Saying good bye can be hard

I have just waved good bye to a colleague & friend. It wasn't hard to say good bye as we will be speaking again tonight as we finish the finer details on a current collaboration.

Past good byes that have been endured can be rated from 'don't care' to 'disasterous'.

Saying good bye to my Dad in Manly hospital. His last words to me were 'don't go, I don't want you to go'. He hadn't spoken a word in two weeks and that is what he left me with. My last words to him were 'I have to but I'll be back this afternoon. I love you'. I am crying as I write this because we really are/were a close family and I feel the gap so very much.

Saying good bye to England when I was nearly 17 was only slightly less devastating. Even though I have lived in Australia more than half my life I still consider myself more POME than Ozzie (except for when the cricket or rugby is on and then I become 'fickle'.) Charlotte & I hugged ever so tightly as we said our farewells. We were as desparate as any 'teenage-school-girls-best-friends-from-birth' could be. We would never see each other again in quite the same way.


Saying good bye to anyone for any length of time can be difficult for me. This is why I will usually disappear quietly from a party or a weekend away without actually saying it. One doesn't always say good bye to people though.

Saying good bye to my waistline had it's upside as at it meant hello to 3 beautiful, shiny, new and chaotic kids! Life has never been the same since they appeared. They are completely brilliant individuals and I am blessed to have them in my life.

Saying good bye to my Grandmothers chipped tea cup was both difficult and extremely liberating. In fact it was the start of realising that I didn't need to keep everything that someone once owned to show how much I loved them. The piles of stuff kept did not equate to the amount of grief I felt about them no longer being here. Learning this started a whole series of events that allowed me to stop hoarding and come to the end of my grieving. It sounds simple I know but over a matter of time I no longer worried about the piles of stuff as well as the grief. It all just kind of, well, subsided.

Saying good bye has given me so many opportunities to appreciate life. No longer could Dad be sought for advice or opinion so I had to go out and learn. Leaving England also meant leaving my youth and I arrived in Australia as an 'adult'. People had no experience of who I was at school and so I had a fresh start. No longer a 'clown' in the back row, I could be reborn.

Saying 'hello' to the kids helped me to shelve my ego and put others first. Those 3 have had me overwhelmed with joy and despair within a heartbeat of each other so I have had to learn to think first and respond second, at times without any discernable delay!

When we say good bye to one thing we are always saying hello to something else. When I am hired by someone who has trouble letting go of 'stuff' the question is always the same. "What are you making room for?" The answers have been as delightfully varied as my wonderful clients are:

• "To live again"


• "Opportunities"


• "A sewing room"


• "A partner"


• "New clothes"

So dear reader, what would you like to say good bye to?

Eating Elephants, Realistically

On the first visit to a new client one of the questions I ask is 'how long do you think it will take us (you & I together) to organise your home from top to bottom?' The answers are wide, varied and depending on where the client 'is at' can be extremely negative. Teaching people to become organised can sometimes be secondary. The primary focus can be to help the client reach a 'realistic' expectation of how long the process will take.

Imagine Carol (of course it's not her real name, I assure client confidentiality!).... Carol has 3 busy boys at home and the youngest started school last year. Perfect timing as she had to go back to part time work as her husbands income had been reduced due to the GFC. Duties at home had stayed the same, she was still having to wash & iron the uniforms, make the lunches & dinner, do the shopping, find the school shoes, write the permission notes, reconcile the bank account, pay the bills and remain smiling, because as we all know, Mum's job is to hold the family together.

I turn up, 10 months after Carol has gone back to work. She's stressed, anxious, feels like she's failing. She needs answers and shes needs all of the answers RIGHT NOW. She cannot go another day living in this chaotic home. I start to ask questions, 'Well' she answers, 'as you can see I can't get on top of the washing, we can't find 2 school books already and it's only first term, I've lost the medical bills I need to claim back and I've no idea where the electricity bill is. I've been overcharged on my Visa card, I forgot to take back the shoes that don't fit, we want to paint the eldest's room and my husband is cranky with me because I was too tired to go out to dinner last night.... He's been very good and even suggested getting a cleaner but it takes hours to tidy up before she comes and then she doesn't do what I want her to do... (By now I'm thinking that more than a few can relate to this story)

What Carol wants is a quick fix, I can give her some of those! But what she needs is some processes, systems and ideas that will fix the chaos long term... This is where I bring out 'the big gun'!

'Yes, there is a lot we can fix right now' I say, 'but it can't all be fixed this afternoon. You see Carol (I'm handing her a tissue by now as she says "I'm sorry, I bet no one else breaks down like this") it's a bit like trying to eat an elephant in one sitting, it just can't be done. You can only do it one bit at a time.'

Some of you at this stage might be thinking, 'if that woman was talking about elephants to me I'd have my hands around her neck!' I want to make sure you don't miss the point here. The point is that a huge task can be done as long as you are realistic about it (and you have a plan!). After all, I know none of us really want to eat an elephant, we just want it out of our living room...